Weight of the Galaxy
by Jay Rock Kay
Summary: Inspired by a ME Kink Meme prompt. After Cerberus' attempted coup on the Citadel, Liara finds Commander Shepard in a surprising place. He has been there to comfort her so many time; now it's her turn to return the favor...


"You haven't happened to know where Shepard went to, do you?"

"Squeak!"

The little creature that the Commander named Harry briefly lifted itself up to it's hind legs, regarded the fidgeting Liara T'Soni, and quickly padded to it's little wooden home inside his cage. _Goddess, I'm talking to his pet. Why don't I interrogate the fish, while I'm at it?_

Unable to get a straight animal from the so-called "hamster," Liara decided to go back to her previous idea of pacing the Commander's cabin. He was supposed to come back to the ship after checking with the Spectre Requisitions office, likely pouring through all the requests that C-Sec and civilian groups were making after Cerberus' failed-but-costly coup of the Citadel, marking everything he could search for and accomplish. It was that nobility and honest goodwill that enamored the asari to him, but they knew they couldn't keep the Quarians waiting in the Far Rim for long.

She was about to call Shepard on his omni-tool again when it started to beep on it's own. She pressed a holographic button and answered.

"Dr. T'Soni, this is Specialist Traynor." Liara took a deep breath before answering.

"Hello, Specialist, what can I do for you?"

"Engineer Adams just called me and...Liara, you should head down to Engineering."

"Is something wrong? Is anyone hurt?"

"...It's Shepard. You should go down to Engineering." Liara already made it to the elevator before Traynor finished her sentence.

The elevator of the SR-2 was much faster to her predecessor, but it didn't seem that way to her. The doors opened after what seemed like years and she quickly turned entered the right corridor leading to the Engineering section. Engineer Adams, along with Gabby and Ken, stood just inside their domain, pointing down to the stairs, leading down to the bowels of the section, suddenly loud with clangs and bangs. Liara nodded to the three and they walked back to their stations.

Liara walked down the stairs, damning herself for being so hesitant, so...afraid. The thrashing noises against the metal was gone, but she could hear something muffled, a voice. Finally she could see inside this section. It was dark and empty, with nothing but boxes of spare parts and random pieces of equipment, simply put there during the retrofit on Earth until the Alliance knew what to do with them.

In the middle of this pile, sat Commander Shepard. Sitting on the ground, leaning on the wall, knees on his cheeks and his arms wrapped around his legs...crying. Sobs were tearing through him and pouring out.

Liara had seen the vulnerable side of John before. When he sagged into the railing of the station as he made his decision to leave Kaidan to the mercy of Saren's thrall. The night they melded fully and completely, letting her see his life on Earth, the things that he spent his adult life in the stars to atone for. After Liara heard of the Alpha Relay being destroyed, Shepard went to her old Shadow Broker headquarters on his own, unable to process the death of an entire system that he felt responsible for. She had seen him scared, or angry, wracked with guilt, but not...shut off. She walked all the way down the stairs, making her presence known.

"Shepard?"

"Go away." His voice was hoarse, but projected hard enough that she almost took a step back. She walked over to the wall and sat down a few feet next to her lover.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." He sat there, silently. She raised her arm and put it on his shoulder, but he shrugged it away. The knot in her stomach tightened, but she kept it inside.

"Koyat messaged me, told me to go to the hospital."

"That is Thane Krio's son, correct?" Shepard nodded and was silent again, like he wasn't even there. Liara briefly met Thane when she toured the new Normandy, but she knew all about him from the yahg's dossiers on him, as well as her own investigations. She was there with Shepard and Garrus during the Cerberus coup, watched the former assassin in action as he fought off Cerberus' top assassin to protect the Salarian Councilor, at great injury to himself. The knot started to twist in her—she knew where this was going, but she needed Shepard to finish. "...How is he?"

"...He lost too much blood. Koyat came to give as much as he could, but apparently Huerta didn't think to stock up too much on Drell blood." His fists clenched, his voice hitched. She was almost glad; better to be angry than to be disconnected. _If Javik can hear my thoughts..._"Thane...he asked Koyat to unplug him from the machines. So he could be comfortable. He prayed...him and Koyat and...I did...at that point I couldn't say no. I thought it was for him, but...Koyat said it was for me.

"Thane last words was a prayer for me." Shepard put his head down to his knees again, shutting his eyes tight, not caring about the specks of tears coming down. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Do what?"

"This." Shepard threw his hands up, gesturing at the whole ship above him. "Saving the galaxy."

"We did it before."

"We killed one Reaper with the help of the entire fleet and delayed the inevitable for a few years. I blew up their pet project. I even blew up a relay and all I did was make a race damn-near extinct! Now they want me to fly around with a bunch of ambassadors and fix their thousand year-old messes! And the Dalatross almost convinced me to betray everything I cared for...if I just told them sooner, maybe...maybe Mordin...

"Mordin. Thane. I was a hair-trigger away from killing Ashley to stop Udina." Shepard looked Liara in the eyes for the first time. They were red and puffy, his nose was leaking. She could even see streaks of grey in his dark brown hair.

"How the fuck am I supposed to save the galaxy if I can't even save my friends?"

His voice died, and the sobs started again. Before he could even react, Liara grabbed onto him and held the despondent commander in her arms. He cries, deep and mournful, into Liara's shoulder as she put one hand on her back and the other on the back of his head, lightly rubbing his scalp. His arms were limp at first but quickly wrap tight around her waist. The light blue waves of her biotics flared in her fingers and started to tap into his mind. When he didn't say/think anything to stop, she took the familiar steps and his mind swarmed at her.

_Please don't go I can't do this alone I need to I don't want to hurt you but I can't oh god please-_

_Shepard. John. You're not alone. You're never alone. You have touched so many lives for the better, you've saved out lives time and again. We are with you all the way. ...I'm with you all the way._

_Stupid breaking down like this how did I let this happen let you see me like this can't afford the weakness, have to be strong strong for you-_

_You don't have to be, John. Not all the time. You have been there for me when I needed comfort; when any one of your crew needed it. I will always be there for you, as I know you will for me._

"That's what it means to be a bondmate," she whispered as she kissed him softly on the cheek. The two held each other for a long time, after a while out of comfort than of need. As his eyes ran out of tears and his head started to clear, Shepard thought back to the prayer Thane gave to him, and wondered if maybe a miracle happened after all...

_**Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness.**_

_**Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand.**_

_**Kalahira, wash the sins from this one, and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit.**_

_**Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention.**_

_**Guide this one to where the traveler never tires,  
The lover never leaves,  
The hungry never starve.**_

_**Guide this one, Kalahira, and he will be a companion to you as he was to me.**_


End file.
